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In this line of work, it often happens that we get a group of clients all having the same issues at the same time, for whatever reason. There are numerous theories as to why that happens, but I'm not going to go into that aspect of it for the sake of this article.
Back in 2012, from January to June, I had many clients, none of them referrals, all born in 1966, all very educated and seemingly successful, and all suicidal. Needless to say, this was a very intense period; the energy exchange between client & coach was also intense. Dealing with rational, intelligent people with PhDs and Masters degrees who were so depressed and disillusioned that they didn't see the point in continuing. However, the fact that they sought me out was a sign that there was some small part of them that was still looking for a way in, not out. It was this thread of hope that I clung to for them, on that quest to a viable reason for continuing to hang around. These were not impulsive, reckless people; they were successful, capable people who by outward appearances had "nothing to complain about" - a sentiment they heard all too often and one that completely invalidates them. How did they end up at this juncture? I was speaking to a friend of mine who has seen his fair share of despair through his own early experiences and later in life through his philanthropic ventures that reach out to remote communities where there are a variety of issues to contend with (poverty, substance abuse, illness etc). He said to me, "I didn't think this sort of thing happened to rich people; you'd think they have everything, why aren't they happy?" I explained, "it's not what you have that makes you happy; once you have your basic needs met, and even a little more, you reach a threshold and it's not because they're sad; it's far deeper than that". These supposedly smart & successful people wanted to be happy. They were high achievers & they were rewarded with good jobs, status, possessions, some even had partners & children. I could write an entire door-stopper of a book on what their issues were - and what they weren't - and all the reasons why, but if I had to summarize, I would say that this particular group had believed in the fairy-tale line of "happily ever after". Maybe not consciously, but subconsciously, it was a very strong belief and expectation. Happiness was the desired and permanent state to be. You do all these things and you reach the finish line by forty and live happily ever after. Happiness was postponed, at least the big and lasting happiness was. Happiness and satisfaction, self-worth and connection, were all waiting at the finish line. If they don't feel these things, they must not be finished and so it was devastating and lonely with no idea what to do next. They were let down & betrayed by what they felt was a big lie. This concept that we could have all this and still not be happy was the basis for Soul Method Healing. We have to choose to be happy now. Happiness is not a permanent state. The human experience is about suffering and transcending that suffering. We have forgotten how to do things, how to be vulnerable, how to connect, how to have a real purpose. It's not a quick fix, but that's the road I took with them. (As far as I know, they are all still with us.) There is a baseline for everything. You win the lottery, you have a wedding, you buy a car, events that might make you happy - but they don't change your permanent baseline. Only you can do that, and it doesn't involve the attainment of things once your basic needs are met. Please seek help if you or someone you know is severely depressed or suicidal. Validate their feelings by listening and finding help quickly. If they are on anti-depressants, they may be experiencing a reaction to the medication; contact their physician immediately. Suicidal ideations are to be taken seriously and don't criticize or judge the person and click here to find a A Crisis Line in your Area. From the coach/therapist perspective it was an emotionally tough year too. Giving back to the community by volunteering, making other people's days better, working in nature, working as a team and with my hands, in the sun and the soil, was a huge help for me, being able to release the baggage. That is also why art, gardening & farming are a huge part of therapeutic process.
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AuthorSusheela Kundargi - discussion on a wide range of topics that contribute to our re-connection. Archives
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